9 Months | Self Indulgence

Today marks 9 months since Tommy’s been gone. It’s truly hard to believe and harder yet to process.

After putting out my birthday celebration idea for Tommy, I started receiving emails, texts and messages with photos and videos that I’d never seen before and the kindest messages that I could ask for as a mom.  In many ways, celebrating Tommy’s birthday in this way seems very minimal - many probably have elaborate celebrations for their loved ones or at least gather family together, while others have created non-profits in the names of their loved ones, so in some ways, this is a simple celebration - an instagram to celebrate Tommy’s life.

That said, I feel that it is almost the most self-indulgent thing I’ve done in this last year.  I’m literally putting out there ‘please send me pictures and stories’ so that I can remember my baby.  I am not letting myself feel a tinge of guilt in this.  This just isn’t something I’d do or have done if he were still alive.  I would never dream of being that self indulgent, but this is truly a blessing for my soul.  Of course we all have pictures of people on our phones that we haven’t shared with them, or stories that we haven’t told, even if they may have left an imprint on our lives.  

We all get busy and forget the importance of sharing. This is the reality of life. I’m just as guilty as everyone else. I’m sending a huge virtual hug and thank you to every single person who has shared a story with me, reached out just to say hello, or even said a prayer for me and my family. You have a very special place in my heart. You never know the healing weight that words can have. And if you have a story to share, please do - it would mean the world to me.