Life after Tommy

Hi.

So glad that you found my corner on the internet. My life has and is continuing to change at an alarming rate. I’ve decided to document it here. Hope you’ll stick around.

Glacier National Park 2016 — Glacier National Park 2016

All in Journal

Sending Condolences | a project from the heart

Jan 24

Jan 24 Sending Condolences | a project from the heart

The number of ways in which we are accessible made keeping track of the messages nearly impossible. I was honestly overwhelmed with everything at the time, but I knew in the back of my mind that I had to save all of the messages somehow.

17 Months | Reinventing Life

Nov 12

Nov 12 17 Months | Reinventing Life

Grief, Journal, Reinventing Life

It’s 4:30am and there’s a light dusting of snow on the ground outside. I doubt it will stick but it’s nice to look out and see it. After so much brown and grey this fall, white is a pleasant surprise. Tommy has been gone for 17 months today.

Sharing this journey

Sep 29

Sep 29 Sharing this journey

Sharing this journey has been hard at times, but backing off from sharing has left me feeling empty.

Jul 29

Jul 29 Chica

I woke up crying this morning

Jun 28

Jun 28 I woke up crying this morning

This morning I woke up crying. It’s been months since this has happened. Tommy had come to me in a dream which was very realistic.

May 11

May 11 11 Months

10 Months | Miscellaneous thoughts

Apr 15

Apr 15 10 Months | Miscellaneous thoughts

Journal, Grief, Life in the Country

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve come to this space. I’ve felt pretty empty lately and just haven’t had much that feels important enough to say to put much down ‘on paper’.

Mar 26

Mar 26 Old Schoolwork

I didn’t write down much over the years, thinking that I’d remember things and also just not taking the time sadly. For this I hold regret, but am also thankful that I kept as much as I did.

Tommy's Upcoming Birthday

Mar 9

Mar 9 Tommy's Upcoming Birthday

We are approaching 9 months without Tommy on the 12th as well as his birthday on March 16th.

Monday thoughts

Feb 22

Feb 22 Monday thoughts

I will be forever thankful that I had him as my child. It makes me cry when I think of it, but I know that there is some lesson that I need to learn through this pain and instead of teaching me while he’s with me, he is now teaching me from the other side.

The person you can no longer be

Feb 16

Feb 16 The person you can no longer be

8 Months | Fentanyl Poisonings

Feb 11

Feb 11 8 Months | Fentanyl Poisonings

While I had assumed the killer of Tommy was fentanyl, I only recently actually found out for certain that this was what killed him. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Jan 30

Jan 30 Tears

Over the last few months, I find that I can quite easily talk about what happened to Tommy, to me and in effect to all of us, without breaking down in tears. When I’m by myself, I cry and tear up often, but can generally hold it together in front of others.

There are names for what binds us

Jan 25

Jan 25 There are names for what binds us

There are names for what binds us, mother and son, single mom, youngest son, grieving mom, lost son.

Jan 4

Jan 4 Feeling empty

I feel empty these days. Christmas and New Years have passed. The time leading up to them was hectic, for no reason in particular,

Dec 20

Dec 20 Not ready

I haven’t yet deleted Tommy’s profile from my Netflix account. Every time I turn it on, I’m sad to see his name there, but I’m not ready for it not to be there yet.

6 Months | Tommy's Climb

Dec 11

Dec 11 6 Months | Tommy's Climb

Tommy wasn’t a climber, in the definitive sense, but in a way, those last few months were truly an uphill climb for him.

Holiday cards ... something that feels semi-normal

Dec 7

Dec 7 Holiday cards ... something that feels semi-normal

Yesterday, I heard Christmas music on the radio for the first time this year and immediately had to shut it off. I used to love Christmas music.

Expressing Motherhood

Dec 6

Dec 6 Expressing Motherhood

The first time that I participated in the Expressing Motherhood, in person, in Silverlake, I was scared to death. I’d submitted a piece as a challenge to myself, never dreaming that I’d actually be chosen. I was a fish out of water.

Nov 21
Nov 21 The simple things

The many times that you made rice krispie treats, piled so high they spilled over the top of the pyrex dish.

You never bothered to push them down, make them fit.

They were free form, much like you.